Two Years Out And Somebody Is Three Weeks In

Somebody gave her name to somebody else, which is how this always happens.

The woman is three weeks into the same thing she went through two years ago. Not similar. The same, in the specific way that matters, which is why her name came up at all.

And the message came on a Tuesday and she has not answered it yet and it has been five days.

She has read it about twenty times.

What she keeps arriving at is that she is not recovered enough for this. She has a whole argument for it and she believes every part of it.

She still has bad weeks. There was a Saturday in June that took her out completely and she told nobody. She cannot go into one particular building. She has a whole set of small arrangements she has made around herself that she does not describe to people, and from inside they look less like recovery and more like scaffolding.

And there is a thing she has not said out loud to anybody, which is that she is not sure it is over. She is not sure there is an over. Two years in, that is what she actually thinks.

So how does a woman who is not sure it is over sit down with somebody at three weeks.

She keeps picturing herself getting it wrong. Saying the thing that sounds like it helps and does not. Or worse, going somewhere in her own head halfway through and being no use in the room.

And underneath all of that, the practical one: three weeks is the worst part. She remembers three weeks. She would not wish three weeks on anybody, and the idea of being in a room with it again, in somebody else's face, makes something in her chest tighten.

Five days now, and the message is still there.

And you have a message like that. Somebody one step behind you in a thing you have been through, and you have not answered, and the reason is that you do not think you have finished it yourself.

The comfort we ourselves received

There is a sentence at the start of Second Corinthians that describes exactly this arrangement, and the thing to look at is which word is doing the qualifying.

who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.2 Corinthians 1:4

With the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted.

Present tense. Are comforted, not were comforted and finished. The whole arrangement runs on comfort that is currently being received, which means the person doing the comforting is described as somebody still in receipt of it.

There is no clause about recovery. Nothing in that verse asks whether the affliction is over.

You are qualified by having been comforted rather than by having finished, and that is what the sentence actually says. It is written that He comforts us in all our affliction so that we may be able to comfort those in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted (2 Corinthians 1:4), and it is the Holy Spirit who is named as the Comforter, which means the supply does not come out of your reserves.

Now the argument you believe every part of, because most of it is true and the conclusion is still wrong.

The bad weeks are real. The Saturday in June was real. The building you cannot go into is real and it may be real for a long time.

None of those are evidence that you have nothing to give. They are evidence that you are two years in, which is exactly what a person three weeks in needs to be sitting across from.

You are not disqualified by still being in it, and the still being in it is the whole of what makes you legible to her. Scripture says we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us (2 Corinthians 4:7), and it is the Holy Spirit who is the power in a cracked jar, which is the only kind that verse describes.

And the thing you have not said to anybody.

You are not sure it is over. You are not sure there is an over.

Say that to her. Not as a warning and not as despair. That sentence, said plainly by somebody two years in, is very possibly the most useful thing anybody could give a woman at three weeks, because at three weeks everybody is telling her it will pass and she does not believe them and she is beginning to think she is failing at it.

You have a true sentence that nobody else in her life is able to say to her. It is written that we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, of the affliction we experienced, that we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself (2 Corinthians 1:8), and Paul put that in writing to a church, and it is the Holy Spirit who has kept that verse in the book so nobody would have to pretend.

And the fear of going somewhere in your own head halfway through.

That may happen. It happens to everybody who does this. And a woman at three weeks watching somebody two years out go somewhere for a moment and then come back is not being failed; she is being shown that a person can go there and come back, which is the one thing she currently does not believe.

You are able to be present imperfectly and imperfect presence is not a failure of care. Scripture says weep with those who weep (Romans 12:15), which is not a technique and has no competence requirement, and it is His Spirit who does the actual comforting, in both of you, in the same room.